Arachnophobia
by cOo.Me
Summary: What happens when the great and fearless Akatsuki becomes face to face with a spider infestation? Will they be able to handle the situation or will they all cry like little girls? Who knows? M for our lovely Jashinist.
1. Introduction

**Arachnophobia**

Chapter One: Introduction

Ever since Itachi could remember he had always been afraid of spiders. They were eight legged, hairy, creepy, little turds that some how always screwed up his reputation and dignity.

My goodness,

He could still remember the night where he had freaked out about a spider on his wall, he begged Kisame to kill it for him but once he ran into the bathroom to fetch a tissue to kill it.

It disappeared.

"Listen Itachi..." Kisame rubbed his temples, "Spiders are much more afraid of you then you are of them."

Itachi muttered, "Are you freaking kidding me. They are evil. Evil little bastards."

_That was the first time Kisame had ever heard the Uchiha swear._

Kisame took a deep breath, "It's probably long gone by now."

"No it's not."

Kisame ignored him and walked in the washroom to brush his teeth, when he came out he saw Itachi twitching every few seconds thinking it was on him and looking around the floor for its little body.

"It's gone, far away." Itachi took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself but it didn't work.

"It's four in the morning;" Kisame paused to yawn, "Please can we go to sleep."

Itachi agreed and Kisame shut off the lights but just because he agreed to go to sleep didn't mean he was not still paranoid about the little thing. Slowly other thoughts pushed the spider of his mind and he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, but little did he know his little friend was slowly crawling up the side of his bed.

Morning came and Itachi's eyes began to flutter open. Suddenly he found himself face to face with black beady eyes.

Itachi screamed like a little girl,

And Kisame promised to make sure to kill every spider that dared to enter their room…

A/N:

Itachi is scared of spiders,

I do not blame him,

I am too…

Thanks for reading!

Don't worry the first chapter is suppose to be very very short. The next ones will be long-at least three pages! Don't worry! :)


	2. The infestation

'~/Akatsuki's Arachnophobia\~'[02]

III

The infestation

Hidan had woken up from his lovely dream of slaying millions of virgins and finally sacrificing his partner to his holy God, Jashin. He was then requested to sit on the right side of his death God. The pious man tiredly rubbed crust out from his eyes, before standing up from his bed and stretching his arms. His purple eyes glanced over at his partners' neatly made bed and smiled, knowing that breakfast was mostly likely on the verge of being made.

Hidan walked into his bathroom, whipping off his pyjamas and hopping in the shower. He had sung to one of his favourite hymns as he cleansed his delicate skin with rose scented body wash. When he was finished he stared admiringly into his mirror and complimented his face, before picking up his toothbrush. He was about to slob on some mint toothpaste, but in the corner of his eye he spotting a yellow tinted sac spider resting on his toothbrush. Hidan dropped the tool and watched the object fall to the floor. The little creature jumped of his toothbrush and scurried around the bathrooms tiles. Hidan squeaked and ran out of the room.

Hopefully the bastard would find some way back outdoors before Hidan had come back with his partner, who would take away its miserable life.

III

Kakuzu looked up from over his newspaper to see Hidan's face ashen. The man was known for his pale skin due to his constant self torturing religious traditions. The man was constantly draining himself of blood for his _God._ But strangly enough, Hidan didn't look as though he had punctured his body with any metal object this morning. Instead he looked rather freaked out then anaemic. Kakuzu completely ignore it and went on with his readings. Hidan probably lost his conditioner or something. It was no big deal.

Hidan approached his partner, a pleading look on his face, "Kakuzu? Can you do me a small favour please…?"

"What do I get in return?" Kakuzu didn't take his eyes off the paper.

"My respect and love." Kakuzu lowered the paper and glared at him, "I'm joking, I'll give you half my pay check."

Kakuzu smiled under his mask and stood up from the leathered love seat, "Fine. What do you want Hidan?"

"Come up stairs in our room. I need you to kill the spider." Kakuzu stared at the man's back confused. Hidan wanted him to kill a bug? Couldn't he do it himself? It was just a tiny thing. But Kakuzu, being Kakuzu didn't complain. He was getting paid.

_Cha ching!_

The two of them had finally made it to their shared bathroom and Hidan had stared anxiously down at the yellow sacs' new hiding space. It had perched itself in-between the white door frame. Kakuzu sighed and grabbed a piece of toilet paper. Hidan couldn't take his eyes off the bastard and then slowly his partner squished the spider, "Haha, take that you stupid shit!"

Kakuzu shook his head and flushed the now deceased spider down the toilet, "Happy?"

Hidan innocently nodded his head and handed the masked man half of his pay check, just like he promised. Now the both of them had something to be content with.

III

After the spider drama Hidan and Kakuzu had found themselves munching on Tobi's specialty, Pancakes drenched in maple syrup and a tall glass of chocolate milk. Deidara had taken a seat beside the pious man; his plate was staked with five blueberry waffles topped with strawberries and banana slices squirted with whip cream. He had pointed out to Hidan on jumpy Itachi was that morning. It was strange considering how lifeless he usually was.

Kisame, his shark like partner, had made it his secret mission to torment the Uchiha. He had kept a white feather in his hand and had tickled it across the exposed part of his neck every few seconds. In return Itachi had jumped out of his skin. Deidara laughed to himself and even participated in the torment. Hidan felt the Uchiha's Pain.

Soon enough, _Pein _had come out from the kitchen with Konan and sat down at the table. Everyone was almost done eating their breakfast (except for Itachi, who was too paranoid). Pein lifted up his hand, as a sign that he was about to speak, "I have an announcement. Unfortunately, _someone_," His eyes wandered over to the group of members who were bothering Itachi. They all seemed to stop and the Uchiha gave him a smile that read 'Thank you for that, these people were driving me crazy and because of you they will stop. Thank you so so so very much…' Pein continued, "had forgotten to close Orochimaru's door to his room last weekend and now there is an infestation of some sort. A few of you have already encountered the infestation. And I would like to say the problem is being worked on. I am well aware that a few of you have arachnophobia-."

"What the hell is an a-rack-no-phobia? We have an infestation of no coat racks or something. C'mon, get real here leader sama." Hidan snorted. Pein looked un-amused as so did the rest of the Akatsuki, sans Tobi-for he was just as stupid as the zealous man.

"Not 'A-**rack**-no-phobia' 'arachnophobia'. It's a phobia of **spiders,** you dumbass." Kakuzu retorted.

"Oh." Hidan paled, "I hate spiders."

"Thank you for your explanation, Kakuzu. I highly doubt Hidan would have been able to figure that out on his own" Pein gave Hidan a sly smile and then continued to talk about the infestation, "Anyways. Tobi is trying to reason with them-."

Deidara snorted, "Reasoning does nothing un. It's not like they can understand him or something?" His blue orbs spotted his masked partner cooing his wooden spatula and stating that it had done an excellent job in helping him with breakfast, '_Sometimes I can't even understand him.'_

"I say let's bomb them and get it over with un!" The blonde terrorist stood up from his seat, "Give me a second. I'll go and get my clay and mould C3 chakra into it and then BAM, all of them will designate un. It will be the most artistic way to deal with this problem hm."

Pein gestured to the blonde to sit back down, "I believe that it would be somewhat 'artistic' Deidara, but there is a flaw to your plan. You seem to be suggesting that we should blow up the Arachnids along with the base? Are you willing to do that, Deidara?"

"Heck yes." Pein narrowed his ringed eyes at the explosion master, "Wait…I wasn't suppose to answer that question, right un?"

Pein nodded his head slowly and Deidara murmured a 'sorry'.

"Maybe we can intoxicate them with poisonous gas." Konan had suggested.

"The only problem with that is that the fumes would have us out of the base for a good week, and currently all our other hide outs have either been destroyed or found by Konoha's black ops. This is the only safe place for us right now."

"So, what if Tobi's 'reasoning' doesn't work out?" Itachi asked, afraid of the answer.

"Then we are to destroy them ourselves, locate their nests and burn them." A smile began to spread across the blondes face. Pein took notice and made sure to get the 'bombing of the spiders is strictly forbidden.' Point spread across.

"What about small explosions, un?"

"No explosions."

"Smaller then my pinkie nail, un?" Pein looked at him hard and then Deidara pouted his bottom lip and started moaning.

"Fine, but nothing bigger then that." Deidara's smile had returned and before anyone could blink, the youngest of the Akatsuki had leapt from his seat, raced through the living room, up the spiralled wooden stair case and slammed his bedroom door shut. He had a lot of work to do.

Pein stared at the empty seat, "It seems as though someone's very enthusiastic today…"

Pein was just about to leave the room when Hidan had called after him, "Wait, what about those' with arachnophobia?"

"I guess they will have to face their fears." And with that Pein had disappeared along with his blue haired partner, Konan.

_Face…their…fears…_

Hidan suddenly felt faint.

III

A/N: Poor Poor Hidan…and Itachi…too

Deidara's seems pretty serious about blowing up the spiders. Spiders, I have one piece of advice, Hide….Hide far away from the explosion loving maniac…He will mess you up, seriously.


	3. Spider trauma

'~/Akatsuki's Arachnophobia\~'[03]

III

Spider trauma

Madara Uchiha eyed his partner suspiciously; the bombs his partner was currently making _looked_ like they were only capable of creating _miniature_ explosion. But Madara had his doubts, the man was a genius at siking his opponents. The Uchiha had learned from first hand experience, when he had openly mocked a small piece of 'art' Deidara had created, which in the end turned out to be a massive C4 attack.

"Deidara Sempai?"

"What is it Tobi, un?" Deidara asked impatiently_. Why couldn't the moron see that he was busy?_

"I was just wondering if were aware that leader Sama doesn't want you using anything higher then C2." Deidara sent the masked man a hawkish glare.

"Of course I know that, I'm not stupid, un."

"I'm just making sure; we don't want any accidents done from your hand." Tobi then laughed and laid his head down on his pillow, "'cause that would really suck. Nee, Deidara sempai. Leader Sama would be so upset if you were to disobey him. And it wouldn't even be your fault, what you're working with is so small and delicate, you could easily screw everything-"

"Can you not, un. You're distracting me." Tobi smiled behind his lip and took his small circler pillow out from under his head, "This isn't distracting you…this is."

And with that Madara flung the pillow at his partner's head. A vein might have popped somewhere in Deidara's temple, because suddenly, the blonde had moulded a bigger piece of art work with a higher amount of explosive chakra and flung it at his partner's face. Tobi moved his head to the side and the butterfly had exploded a small hole into the dry wall behind his partner's bed to reveal a naked Konan dancing around her room singing 'Stayin' Alive' into her brush. Deidara stared at her, nose bleeding as Tobi waved to her. The Ame Konoichi threw her brush down grabbed a house coat and kicked the wall. Her nostrils began to flair and she held a metal bat with both arms.

"Oh no Deidara Sempai's in trouble."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, un." Deidara avoided the angry Konan and ran past her and out of their shared room. Before Konan was about to leave Tobi told her that she was a good singer. This angered Konan even more.

"You. Are. Dead!" And with that she ran out of the room and chased after Deidara, while he apologised on a multiple level.

III

Itachi stared up at the entrance to his bedroom. There hung a giant black spider. Its four beady eyes started the Uchiha down. Normally, the Uchiha would have activated his Sharingan and tortured the insect, but something about this spider caused him to freeze in his tracks. He really needed to use the washroom, but the thing was just hanging there.

What if he went to walk under it and it fell down his cloak?

He would have left to go to one of the members but, what if the spider suddenly disappeared just like the one last night. What if it crawled up his arm again, and what if it sunk its venomous teeth into his delicate skin. The Uchiha shivered, but he didn't take his eyes off the spider.

As if it was some sort of miracle the blonde haired boy had run past the Uchiha and without taking his eyes off the spider, Itachi had grabbed Deidara by the back of his shirt and pulled his to the side. Itachi took his index finger and pointed to the creature, "Kill it."

He ordered, "No, I don't have time…Konan."

"I'll take care of Konan…"

And just as he activated his Sharingan and told Deidara to keep an eye on the spider, Konan ran up the stairs, looked into Itachi's Sharingan and dropped the bat. The bluenette then sighed and walked away in the opposite direction talking to herself.

_What was I suppose to be doing again?_

"Wow…how did you-" Itachi released his Sharingan and pointed at the spider, which to his surprise, did not move.

"Kill it." Deidara rolled his eyes and checked his pockets for exploding clay.

To his surprised he had none on him. He must have left it all in his room, which Tobi.

So instead, he lifted an artistic hand up to the black spider, tugged it off its string, brought it to eye level, stared at it for a second, shrugged his shoulders and plopped the spider in to his mouth. Itachi looked at him with disgust as he watched the terrorist savour the spider slowly. Deidara laughed and said something along the lines of 'needs some salt' and swallow it down.

"You're insane!" Itachi squeaked before pointing an accusing finger at him. Deidara smiled innocently before Itachi had run off to his washroom, where instead of releasing his bladder, he through up.

"Well my work here is done…un." Deidara said to himself before leaving the crime scene. He chuckled to himself; Itachi's face was truly priceless.

It wasn't the first time he had eaten a spider whole.

III

On the other side of the Akatsuki base Hidan had curled up in a corner in the fetal position and rocked back and forth. His room looked all the more dark then this morning. The window's curtains had moved out of the way, allowing a stream of sunlight enter, but it still wasn't enough to keep the Jashinist's room from growing darker and darker. Finding out that there was a spider infestation in the Akatsuki base was probably the worst news he had ever heard about. If there was one thing that frightened Hidan more then disappointing his God, it was spiders.

They just had some sort of evil vibe to them. They were tiny, fat, four eyed, hairy, long legged freaks that trapped their prey in a sticky web, tied them up in their unbreakable string and poisoned them with their toxic coated fangs that rendered those useless and then when the time was right, the spider would feast on them, not sparing any of its victims.

Hidan's body began to shake uncontrollable and suddenly Pein had walked in to his room, "Hello Hidan. Have you by any chance seen Kaku-."

Pein stopped in his tracks and slowly pointed a shaky finger above the Jashinist's head. He stuttered something along the lines of, 'Hidan above you.'

The Jashinist's body became ridged as he stared pleadingly at his boss' sudden fright. Slowly, Hidan's eyes had fallowed his boss' manicured finger. Hidan was then face to face with a giant tarantula which was slowly starting to descend down from its haunting domain.

Hidan screamed like a little girl.

III

A/N: *Snort* Poor Hidan, the infestation is getting worst!

But spiders are the least of their problems…Bwa hahaha, there is still more to come!

I'm a fan girl of reviews!

Thanks for reading,

Love y'all!


	4. Deidara's savagery

'~/Akatsuki's Arachnophobia\~'[04]

III

Deidara's savagery

Hidan stared at the tarantula, petrified. He could have sworn he had wet his pants. He had backed behind his leader for protection. Pein stared at the giant spider with a small hint of amusement, "It seems that our small arachnid problem as grown…in size as well."

"No shit!" Hidan stared up at the web, "And stop calling them arachnids that just makes the word 'spider' sound so much more…scary."

Pein smirked at the cowering man, "Do spiders scare you Hidan chan?"

The pious man's face turned blood red as he denied his leader's question. Of course he was afraid of them, but telling Pein that would only result in a life's worth of blackmail, "Good."

And with that Pein pivoted on his heel and left the man to his 'friend', "W-wait leader Sama….what am I suppose to do about the-."

Hidan was suddenly interrupted by a blood curdling hiss. Something wet tickled the outside shell of his ear. Without any hesitation, Hidan screamed like a bitch, slapped his head with the palm of his hand, watched the tarantula fall, ran out of his room, and slammed the door behind him, "LEADER SAMA DON'T LEAVE ME!"

The religious male called down the hall, terrified to look behind him-knowing that the spider must have crawled from under the door.

As Hidan was about to turn the corner, a yellow flash of blonde hair had swished past him. Hidan stopped in his tracks and turned his neck to look behind him to spot a topless Deidara. He screamed a war cry before suddenly penetrating a long pike down on the spider's giant butt.

Odd, the pike sort of reminded Hidan of the gold curtain pole Konan purchased from a flee market. Except, two eagle feathers were tied to the end of it by a braided white string. Deidara had two hand prints painted on his chest and his hair was untied from his pony tail. Blonde locks hid half his face. It was drenched in sweat. His Akatsuki cloak was tied around his hips like a loin cloth. It hung a bit to loose for Hidan's comfort but hey, the guy just killed a giant spider for him.

"Take that you arachnid, and that un!" Deidara repeatedly stabbed the spider until its giant body stopped moving. A large smirk was spread across his face. Hidan cocked an eyebrow and poked the teen with the dull end of his scythe.

"'the hell is wrong with you, Dei-chan?" Deidara turned around and smiled at his friend before violently tugging the arachnid's body off his spear.

"I really hate spiders. I have a passion in killing them. Hehe, maybe I got a bit too carried away, un." Hidan was speechless.

_Carried away._

The guy was running around half naked screaming profanities at spiders. Carried away? More like totally insane!

"You're-." Hidan caught Deidara's single eye shift to the wall behind the pious man, and before he could speak, Deidara had tossed a miniature explosive onto the wall and activated the bomb. When the blonde knew the spider was dead, he looked back up at his friend.

"What was that again?" Hidan stared at his arsonist friend before closing his mouth and walking away, "What un?"

"You're crazy."

'_I think you might be right on that one Hidan no Danna,' _Deidara thought to himself before rubbing the spiders' black gore off his face and heading in the opposite direction.

"Deidara?" Pein had walked out of his office to spot a savage blonde haired man. Deidara heard his boss call his name and had obediently walked over to him, "Is that you?"

"Yes sir!" Deidara had saluted him.

Pein cringed in disgust, "Go put on a shirt."

"But it takes away the whole artisticness-."

"Artisticness isn't a word Deidara. Go put on a damn shirt, and take a shower too you smell bad."

Deidara over exaggerated a sigh, and walked to his room with his head low, "Yes sir."

Pein watched as the teen sauntered off. Never in his life had he ever witnessed something that 'abstract' before. He shouldn't have been so surprised; after all, his organisation _was_ filled with unstable outcasts.

III

Itachi sat at the bar, completely unaware that he was about to receive a little surprise from the man up above. The Uchiha held a cracker to his lips as he watched a program about pesticides-and how he could do away with the infestation without harming the other members. Itachi scooped his cracker into a bowl of left over guacamole and was about to place it in his mouth when he felt a ticking sensation against his upper lip. His black orbs peered down into the eyes of a familiar friend. Two pinchers had waved around on his cracker. Itachi gentle placed the cracker back on his plate and left the insect to itself.

"Kisame." The Uchiha called to his partner, who was currently squishing his seventh spider he had found that day. The shark like man looked up from his murder and gave his partner a toothy smile, "There's another one over here."

Kisame walked over to his partner with a proud smile on his face. The kiri nin knew his partner's fear of spiders, and acting like the hero he wished he could be-he had killed almost every black, eight legged freak he could find. At least 145 were dead. The arachnid problem was probably the best thing that could ever happen to him.

Itachi moved aside and pointed down to his cracker. Kisame stared at it dumbfound.

"That's not a spider Itachi."

"I know that." Kisame knelt down and poked at the insect, it did not respond, "I think it might be an-."

"EARWIG!" Konan had come running out of the kitchen. A long black insect had trailed behind her. Kisame and Itachi had watched the full grown woman jump up on a chair screaming her lungs out at a tiny bug. It was actually quite a sight, since most of the members had known the only female member to be pretty calm and collected.

Itachi passed unspoken words to his partner and Kisame nodded while throwing out the cracker and stepping on Konan's 'friend', before leaving the two to inform their leader on what other things that could possibly be infesting their home.

After all…they did live in a cave…

III

During all this, Madara had found himself on his way to his good and trust worthy friend, Zetsu.

The plant like man had been sheltering himself inside his sanctuary of silence, also known as, his greenhouse. Madara was very cautious of his footing. The last time he had ventured through Zetsu's domains he tripped over a vine and almost became a meal for one of his friend's rare specimen.

Thankfully, Madara hadn't tripped over any vines and made it safely to Zetsu's 'room of relaxation'. Madara jiggled the rusted knob and pushed open the shed door. The orange masked man couldn't help but giggle to himself. There stood the plant like man, bathing under a sun roof and surrounded by purple and pink pansies. Bunnies were hopping all around him. His hands were outstretched above him as he took full advantage of the light.

"**Who dares to enter my domain?**" Madara silenced his laughter and introduced himself.

"Zetsu, I know you really like you're insect friends." A butterfly had landed on his green mop of hair, "But you see, we have an infestation at the Akatsuki base. And you know how Pein gets… The both of us know about his horrible case of arachnophobia, and hiding that from the other members is slowly driving him insane. He refuses to leave his office, for god's sake."

Zetsu opened one eye, "He is a bit squeamish…isn't he?"

Madara slowly nodded his head. Zetsu lowered his arms and stood up from his tree stump and he cooed to his bunnies that he would be back shortly. The aloe man then turned his attention to Madara.

"**We'll see what we can do**…after all…Leader Sama is the one that allowed us to build out secret sanctuary…"

"Great!" Madara smiled under his mask. Although watching Pein in pain was a fun sight, he knew for sure, sooner or later. The great Pein would fall to the hands of the insects. Madara knew that revealing to the other members' Pein's worst fear would eventually help the member's lose their remaining respect for his pawn.

III

A/N: Poor Pein, he is afraid of the spiders just as much as Itachi is. Ew. Earwigs. Ew. I'm a cruel person, aren't I? Pein cracks next chapter-

Woot!

& No, the Pein I am using isn't part of the six paths. It wouldn't be as funny if he could just hide away from them with Nagato. I want to torture the poor fool. And thanks to everyone for all the supportive reviews. They mean a lot to me :)


	5. The Power of Pain

Akatsuki's Arachnophobia 05

The Power of Pain

III

Hidan and Itachi had both found themselves arguing over something they wouldn't usually argue about.

"I'm not touching that." Hidan pointed an accusing finger at the yellow sac, imagining that at any moment the spider would leap off the wall and inject its venomous fangs into his delicate skin.

"You don't have to touch it, _Hidan_." Itachi spoke through his clenched teeth. He was slowly becoming quite agitated from the pious man's lack of cooperation, "You just need to kill it."

"But I'll still be touching it." Hidan wined. Itachi was five seconds away from activating his sharingan, and Hidan could obviously see that in the Uchiha's irked eyes, "You know what…k-killing it i-isn't t-the same as t-touching it."

Itachi smiled as Hidan ripped the napkin away from his hands and slowly approached the spider.

_Fucking Itachi and his f__ucking scary as shit eyes._

The silver haired man gulped as his napkin covered hand had covered the spider's body. Hidan then applied pressure and felt a hard _crunch _in between his finger. Hidan drew his hand away and looked down to see the gore of the spider. A large smile began to grow across his face when he heard Itachi's tranquil voice.

"See…that wasn't so hard."

"Says you…" and before the Uchiha could blink, Hidan had taken a hold of his coworkers' shirt. Itachi watched in horror as the Jashinist shoved the dirty napkin down the waistband of his pants.

Hidan laughed his lungs out as he watched the disturbed male scream at the top of his lungs while stripping down into his boxers.

_Revenge is sweet_

III

On the other side of the Akatsuki hallway, where none of the other members dared to enter, Deidara bravely stood outside of Orochimaru's room. After his shower the blonde had dressed himself in a non flammable protection suit with a gas mask and black boots. He had seen the outfit from a movie a while ago and believed the suit would be reasonable for hunting arachnids. Personally, he thought it looked quite _artistic_ on him.

In both hands, the idiotic pyromaniac held a large hose that was connected to a tank of high pressured _propane_. He had made it from scratch when he was still partners with Sasori. He always used it as some sort of threat. He had made a deal with his partner that if the red head were to ever try and turn him into a puppet, he would burn him and his so called _art_.

It actually became quite useful to the blonde. It was great for burning down villages when he ran out of chakra, handy for bonfires, and great for cooking BBQ when the lighter couldn't be found.

_And damn he could really make the __best grilled cheese sandwiches with it._

Anyways, Deidara had begun to laugh manically. He was about to deliver a kick to the faded door when, Pein unexpectedly, walked out into the hallway. Pein looked over at Deidara and did a double take. Deidara waved at him, as if he wasn't wearing a 50 pound chemical protection suit with a giant metal tank strapped to his back. On the other hand, the auburn haired man tried as hard as he could to stay impassive, but no one was perfect.

"What…the hell..." Pein glared at the blonde, "…are you wearing…Deidara?"

"I'm going to kill the arachnids, un." Deidara said with forced innocence. He felt slightly uncomfortable under his leader's judging eyes, "Why?"

Pein couldn't help but swear under his breath as he slowly approached his subordinate. "Is that a flamethrower?"

He pointed at the large metal contraption the blonde had hugged close to him thin body. "Yes un."

"Deidara." Pein felt a vein dangerously throb in his temple.

"Yeah. Un."

"Give me the flamethrower."

"Yes sir." Deidara said meekly as he unstrapped the heavy tank and passed it to the taller man. Pein easily wrapped the tank snuggly under his arm as he held out his free hand.

"And the suit."

"But-."

"Do not argue. Just give it to me."

"You don't understand. I-."

"Take it off." Pein demanded. A shade of red began to form under the terrorists' checks as he lifted the gas mask away from his face. He knew that arguing with the Ame nin would mean some sort of certain death. So Deidara choose to do as the man said, even though he found it quite embarrassing. The blonde slowly unzipped his suit and it fell to his ankles. Deidara had placed both hands on his bare hips and stared at his un amused leader.

"Happy, un." Deidara spat as he stood stark naked in front of Pein.

"Why weren't you wearing any underwear?" The auburn male asked in dismay.

"'Cause they are uncomfortable, un. Underwear is for cowards, hmm. Only real men don't wear-."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight." Pein said between his clenched teeth. The blonde had saluted him before running expeditiously to his room.

"I'm surrounded by morons." Pein said to himself before leaving the infested room to its infested self, "Moronic…morons."

III

In mind of Hidan, watching Itachi snap was almost like a day at an amusement park for a child, it only happens once in a blue moon (unless the child's parents are filthy rich and they spoil their child like there's no tomorrow), but the wait is totally worth it.

The pious man had found himself awfully to close to choking on his spit and coughing up his lungs, thank Jashin the ex Konoha nin had kicked him hard in his side or Kakuzu would have kicked his ass for bleeding on the Akatsuki's brand new carpets.

Soon enough, Hidan found himself running as fast as he could away from the now activated sharingan eyes chasing madly behind him. Itachi, still in his boxers, clutched a live ear wig in his hands and had tackled the purple eyed man to the floor. Kakuzu had walked by, shrugging his shoulders as he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. He completely ignored his partner's desperate cries.

"You think dropping that napkin down my pants was funny? I'll show you funny!" Itachi hissed as he rolled Hidan onto his back and grabbed him in a head lock.

"R-A-P-E, GET YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM ME!" Hidan screamed.

"Don't worry, Hidan. It'll all be over soon." & with that, the Uchiha had shoved the bug into his co workers gaping mouth.

III

"KAKUZUUUU." Kisame looked over at the stitched man who was currently working out the new budge of food for the week.

"Um, I think that's your partner." Kisame spoke from across the leather love seat.

"Just ignore him."

"KAAAKKKKUUUZZZZUUUU." Again Hidan's cries rang in the shark mans ears, "TAKE THIS JERK OFF ME KAKKKUUUZZUUU."

"It's kind of hard to ignore that." Kisame had covered his ears with both his hands as he stared up at the shaking ceiling, Kakuzu only shrugged. Suddenly it was quiet, "I think he's in Itachi's Tsukiyomi."

"Most likely." Kakuzu grumbled. Kisame sighed as he stood up from his seat and walked over to one of the vacant bar stools. He looked up at Kakuzu and smirked. He felt as if the two of them hadn't exactly bonded since the Taki nin's new partner joined them. The two of them use to do everything, tennis, football, poker and sometimes karaoke.

"So what do you think of all of this? The arachnid infestation I mean." Kakuzu put his calculator down and looked over at Kisame's brutish form.

"I think leader sama's going to snap…" Kakuzu spoke gravely.

"What do you mean, Kakuzu?" Kisame asked with some sort of concern.

"Deidara's lost his mind along with his dignity, we can't find Tobi or Zetsu, Hidan and Itachi won't stop fighting, it's going to cost us a fortune to renovate Orochimaru's room so this won't happen again along with the rest of the base and on top of all of that, the Leader…has a serious case of arachnophobia."

Kisame looked stunned, "How do you know?"

"Believe me Kisame, I know…"

A/N: Sorry it's a bit short-I wanted to make Pein snap in the next chapter instead, along with Hidan in Tsukiyomi. Hehe, I'm evil. I think there are only three chapters left-

Thanks for reading!

Next chapter will be longer, I promise

Love you all!

And thank you so much for the reviews!


	6. When everything goes wrong

Akatsuki's Arachnophobia 06

When everything goes wrong

III

_'I never would have thought the great Akatsuki leader would fall to the hands of tiny spiders. They are-'_ Kakuzu's thought were suddenly interrupted. There in front of him laid his pious and also slightly moronic partner. Saliva was spewing from his mouth. His purple orbed eyes stared daggers at Kakuzu. Itachi was perched on his partner's back, keeping the Jashinist's arms bonded together with his. In another he held a feather and tickled it back and forth against Hidan's exposed neck. Hidan- believing the feather to be another insect-was screaming at the top of his lungs. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and walked around the two.

"Idiots." The miser said under his breath as he slammed his bedroom door behind him.

"Kaaakkkuuuzzuuuu." Hidan cried.

"You're boyfriends not going to help you fool!" Itachi hissed as he continued to torment the pious man.

"F-fuck you!" Hidan's face turned red from the Uchiha's cruel comment.

III

Deidara had found himself in his room wallowing in sadness after the orange haired art hating jerk had taken away his chemical protection suit. Not only had he lost his 10000 Ryo customs, but also lost the remainder of the tiny bit of dignity he had left. The blonde arsonist held his forehead in the palm of his hands as he stared down at his floor. Ideas on how to eliminate the Arachnids without any explosions, chemical gasses, and or any other methods that may involve the death of any other members started to dig into his mind. Large catastrophes were his forte, not silent and deadly assassinations. They weren't expressive or artistic in any way, shape, or form.

Suddenly, a devious plan began to form in his mind. It was a last resort idea, but he was desperate, he had nothing left. His suit, spear, and exploding clay were all confiscated by his leader. _"Maybe it could work! There's a twenty percent chance that I'm capable of pulling this off, but then again, the other eighty percent…an artist needs to expand their horizons"_

Just then, the blonde's less then artistic partner had walked in to the room. The masked man took notice of his partner and took a seat next to him. "Is Deidara sempai sad?"

Tobi asked while he affectionately petted him on the head. Deidara removed his head from his hands and glared at the masked man, "I'm not 'sad', Tobi un."

"Oh really?" Tobi leaned in. His masked face was touching against Deidara's. This was slowly starting to piss the Iwa Nin off, "I think you're in denial!"

"I hope you die a slow and painful death…"

"Ahhhhh, Deidara sempai, if you have nothing good to say then don't say anything at all, hehe." The artist stood up from his bed and left the swirly faced man to himself.

"Deeeiiiddaaarrraaa semmmpaaaiii, don't leave Tobi here by himself."

"Shut up." An irritated Deidara said in return as he walked out into the hallway.

"Hey, hey, hey, where ya going Sempai?"

"None of your business!" Deidara snapped as he raced down the steps and past the living room. Finally he was standing in front of his partner's old workshop. It had been months since he last been inside. He excitedly jiggled the rusted door knob open and walked in.

"Sempai!" Tobi gasped, "That's master Saso-

"Fine I'll tell what I'm going to do. I'm going to make a spider killing solution with some of the materials Sasori no Danna left in his workshop, un." Deidara said with a large smile on his face just before slamming the door behind him. Tobi's Uchiha personality had come out. Angrily, the masked man had grabbed onto the door knob. He tried twisting it but it didn't budge.

'_Son of a bitch_.' The inner Madara thought to himself before letting go of the knob, '_I swear he'll kill us all.'_

III

On the other side of the Akatsuki base, Konan was slowly growing impatient. She hadn't seen her partner since that morning and her memory of Deidara breaking her wall and watching her sing in her hair brush had returned, and on top of all that, there was an infestation in the Akatsuki base.

Konan squeezed her juice box and her O.J. had sprayed into Kisame's face.

"'The hell!" Kisame growled as he walked away. Not caring, Konan stood up from her seat and climbed up the spiraled stair case and approached her partner's office. She knocked twice, and no one answered.

Angry, Konan kicked the door off its hinges and found Pein sitting in the corner of his office. Konan's eyebrows went up when she spotted the giant white tank beside him. In his hands, he held the hose connected to the tank. "Is that a flame thrower?"

"Yes." Pein replied as he slapped his forehead. Konan closed her mouth approached him and ripped the tank away from him. Pein moaned as Konan opened the window and used one of her paper jutsu's to secure the tank and let it slowly float to the solid ground below.

Pein slapped himself. Konan didn't say anything. Instead, she sneered as she grabbed Pein by the collar of his cloak and dragged him to his feet.

"Get a hold of yourself Pein!"

"You don't know what it's like Konan!" Pein cried.

Konan rolled her eyes as she kicked the auburn haired man out of his office and locked his office door before pushing the key into her bra, "Go help the other member's exterminate the arachnids."

And with that the konoichi left.

_"You're a horrible person!"_ The auburn haired man said to himself as he headed to the kitchen. Maybe he could find a bottle of Windex as a replacement for Deidara's-now dubbed as his- flame thrower.

III

Even after an hours time, both Itachi and Hidan were still fighting. Eventually, Hidan had gotten away from the crazed Uchiha and decided that it was his turn to form some sort of revenge. With a bowl of earth worms, freshly dug from outside, the Jashinist had begun to chase the poor Uchiha around, threatening to drop them in his pants. And Itachi knew Hidan had the guts to do it.

Anyways, the Uchiha had eventually gotten away from the Jashinist's wrath and hide himself somewhere deep in the Akatsuki's bases underground cellar. Eventually, after around twenty minutes or so, the Uchiha began to grow a bit hungry. Realizing he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch that day due to the constant tormenting of the other members, Itachi had given into his stomach's demands. But, before that he had come up with a pretty clever idea before leaving his hiding spot. With his genjutsu, Itachi had focused his chakra, created a hand sign and _poof_.

His body had transformed.

Admiring his newly red polish nails, Itachi felt his face for piercings and smiled a satisfied smile. Itachi left his hiding spot and headed towards the kitchen.

Transforming into his leader seemed like a very good idea to him. The man's appearance was fairly rare. The last time Itachi could remember seeing him was when he was scolding his blonde savior for running around the base half naked. So the chances of walking into him seemed almost ridiculous. But…then again, Itachi hadn't known about the leader's partner kicking him out of his office.

Itachi had just made it to the living room. He had discovered the Jashinist sitting on the couch stuffing his face with popcorn, and Itachi felt a smile play along his thin lips as he analyzed Hidan. He was completely open! The Uchiha then decided that revenge was worth more then food, and so, in Pein's body, Itachi reached over the seat and took the earth worms from Hidan and dumped them on his head.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL PEIN!" Hidan screeched as Itachi tried his best not to giggle.

"That's what you get when you mess with an Uchiha!" Itachi cackled as he ran out of the room, hoping to find another hiding spot. Hidan fallowed furiously behind him cussing out profanities. Unfortunately, Hidan didn't posses the speed the Uchiha had and decided to return to watching his movie, despite the worms wriggling in his popcorn. Hidan began to plot his revenge.

_He has to come back eventually…_

III

And Hidan was right, Itachi with the transformation jutsu had returned, but it wasn't actually Itachi…and it wasn't a transformation jutsu…

III

A/N: Something really bad is going to happen to Pein in the next chapter. This chapter kind of shows him snapping a bit, but next chapter *shakes head*

I can feel Pein's Pain now…

& what on earth is out blonde terrorist up to now? Will Zetsu be able to gather his 'friends' in order to save everyone from the giant catastrophe our blonde might create? Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading J

(Sorry it took to long, I've had two projects and three Essay to work for the past month and four days, (next chapter will be out soon, I promise.)


	7. Exterminate Or Be Exterminated

Akatsuki's Arachnophobia 07

Chapter seven: Exterminate Or Be Exterminated?

III

~Flash back~

"Hey Konan..." An auburn haired boy had poked the shoulder of his sapphire haired companion.

While still folding an origami butterfly out of paper, she looked up into the big brown eyes of her dear friend, "I'm going to play a prank on the newbie…want in?"

Konan's amber eyes wandered over to the younger boy just a few crates away from her. The red haired teen was currently playing with _Chibi_, an orphaned puppy he'd come across during his search for shelter, "Sure. What are you going to do to him?"

"Well." Yahiko had reached inside his shirt and pulled out an eight legged arachnid. He stared down at it as if were the most fascinating thing in the whole entire universe. Konan cringed as she leapt away from the tarantula.

"W-w-where did you get that from?" She exclaimed.

"I found 'em outside on a rock near Hanzo's warehouse. She's real cute, don'tcha think Konan? I'm gonna put it on his face. It'll be so funny!"

"I don't know, that's really sadistic of you Yahiko."

"What does 'sadistic' mean?" The young teen had looked up at her with confusion in his wrinkled forehead.

"Never mind." Yahiko shrugged.

He then stood up and slowly approached the younger boy. The orange haired teen had flicked the red head's shoulder in order to capture his attention. The spider was secretly hidden behind him.

Nagato turned around to see what his leader wanted and smiled.

"Nagato, can I show you a magic trick?" The red head vigorously nodded his head. An evil grin began to tug at the corners of his lips, but Nagato couldn't see it, for he was too excited for his leader's 'trick', "Okay, but you have to do exactly what I tell ya or it won't work."

"Okay!"

"First, lie down on your back and then close your eyes." Yahiko instructed.

Nagato did as he was told and awaited his captain's further instructions, "Like this, Yahiko san? Will you make me float? Or maybe disappear?"

Konan snickered behind the crate of food as her cruel amber eyes watched her crush place the tarantula on top of Nagato's face.

"My face tickles. Is it supposed to feel like this?" Nagato said as he felt something brush up against his lips.

"Yep, now when I count to three you may open your eyes. One…two…three…" Yahiko snickered as he motioned for Konan to come to his side.

The first thing Nagato's rin'ningan eyes spotted were the four beady, red, and pupil less ones staring down at him. And at that moment the reincarnation of the sage of six paths screamed and cried his tiny ten year old lungs out.

~Flash back over~

Pein shivered at the dark memory from his past.

What Yahiko's 'trick' did to him thirteen year ago had forever scarred him. And not only was it one of the top most traumatizing events in the history of his life, but also ever since that day, the twenty three year old refused to even glimpse at a spider, let alone kill it. He knew most of them were quite pathetic compared to ninjitsu, but they still royally freaked him out.

III

The Akatsuki leader had finally made it down the stairs, one shaky step at a time. He glanced at every corner in the living room and scanned every inch of the ceiling before finally deciding to plop down on the brown leathered couch next to Kakuzu. He sighed as he internally reassured himself that there was no trace of any eight legged, hairy, beady eyes beasts in the room.

"You look ill." Kakuzu commented as Pein found a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of him.

"I don't feel ill?" The auburn haired man lied as he placed his hand into Hidan's left over snack. Without looking away from the screen he was about to shove it into his mouth. Fortunately, Pein hesitated when he felt something wriggle in his palm.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you leader Sama." Kakuzu warned. Pein looked down at his hand to notice a pink worm squirming around in his popcorn. He scoffed before emptying his snack back into the bowl and pushing the popcorn bowl with his foot, far away from him.

Just then a roar had erupted from the kitchen fallowed by a loud shatter of glass.

"Is that your partner?" Pein questioned as he stood up from the couch.

"Yep."

Pein stood up and made a beeline directly towards the horrific war cries of his zealous subordinate, but then stopped mid way when he heard Kakuzu's second warning.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Kakuzu craned his head over his shoulders and stared at Pein. The Akatsuki Leader ignored him continued to walk towards the kitchen.

Kakuzu sighed under his breath as he lost sight of his leader,_ "Poor sucker. Doesn't he know Hidan's going to end up misdeeming him for Itachi."_

III

The first thing Pein noticed about the silver haired Jashinist was that he was carrying a bowl covered in saran wrap. The second was the psychotic look in his eye when he saw the pierced man.

"THERE YOU ARE YOU DEMENTED BASTARD!" Hidan wailed as he ripped away the plastic sealing on his bowl.

"Hidan that's no way to speak to-."

"Still trying to fool me with that fucking lame act of yours, huh?" Hidan hissed.

Pein gave him a blank stare before slowly backing away from the enraged zealot. The almighty 'God of Amergakure' suddenly felt a wave of intimidation pass through his body as he noticed the mixture of shiny coats crawling out from the porcelain bowl. Hidan sense his victim's fear as Pein stared at the bowl in disgusted.

"Hidan I swear…come any closer with _that_ and I'll personally slice off your head and throw your body off the nearest cliff." Pein warned. Surprisingly, a cricked smile began to maneuver its way across Hidan's lips.

"I'm gonna make you eat them bitch, how's that sound?"

Before Pein could even muster his chakra in order to Shinra Tensei Hidan's sorry ass away from him, the pious man had lunged at him knocking him to the ground and sitting on his back. Hidan then pinned Pein's arms behind his back with one hand and in the other, he took a hand full of spiders. Pein tried to struggle, but it was all in vain for Hidan had shoved a hand full of spiders into the Akatsuki leader's mouth. Hidan laugh manically as he stood up from his 'enemy' and watched sadistically as Pein balled his rin'nigan eyes out.

& at that moment Itachi walked into the room with an earwig in between his thumb and forefinger.

Hidan stopped laughing.

_'If Itachi's right there, then…he must be the real…'_

"Hidan…when I get my hands on you…You're going to probably experience the worst kind of pain IMAGINABLE!" Hidan flinched as he turned his head to spot a now extremely enrage and revenge seeking Pein clutching a black chakra pike. With the other was currently wiping away the residue of spider guts with his sleeve, "You too Itachi."

Hidan then looked at the raven haired teen, "If you're in favour of working together to run away from an angry Pein and trying to escape his wrath say 'I'."

"I." Itachi squeaked as he threw away the ear wig and bolted out of the kitchen. Hidan raced after him.

"Banshō Ten'in," The auburn haired man whispered as he felt his power of controlling gravity erupt from the center of his core. A smile began to play on his pierced lips, as Itachi and Hidan were pulled back into the kitchen.

_They were so dead._

III

_Where we last left our havoc reeking blonde._

"Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble." The arsonist blonde began to cackle to himself as he recited Shakespeare' _Macbeth _out loud, "Fillet of a fenny snake, in the caldron boil and bake; Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog!"

"Here are some of Kisame's toe nail clippings, a cayenne pepper to burn those spiders, a finger from Hidan's last sacrifice. I don't know why Sasori no Danna has this but, Kakuzu's hair…un." Deidara spoke as he tossed all sorts of preserved limbs and abnormalities into the mixture he had created. Unfortunately for him, Deidara was still not satisfied with his potion. Hoping to find something that would give it more 'umphf', the young Akatsuki member skipped towards the cupboards where most of Sasori's infamous poisons laid.

His blue eyes spotted a strange bottle shaped as a heart with the same shape of a spider on it. With his gloved hands, he delicately plucked out the abstract shaped bottle from its cotton webbed domains and cradled it in his hands.

"Arachnid Aphrodisiac…" Deidara read the cursive letters that were engraved on the bottle. He then flipped the purple coloured vile in the palm of his hand and began to read the label on the back, "AA is capable of attracting all house hold pests, especially the common arachnid and eliminating them with its aroma, un. I may not know what an 'Aphrodisiac' is, but according to this…it sounds pretty helpful, hm." A sly smile began to play along his lips as he approached his cauldron and emptied the test tube into his grotesque mixture.

The floor began rumble underneath him and he assumed that Hidan and Itachi were still fighting with each other and not because he might have poured too much of vile into his potion. Deidara stood back as he watched mixture begin rise from foam. Deidara squeaked as the liquid began to spill over the rim of the pot. Fortunately, the mixture began to retreat back into the bowl and a puff of purple smoke had erupted from the cauldron. Deidara could have sworn it was in the shape of a heart. Shaking his head in disbelief, the terrorist had approached the boiling pot and swiftly gathered what seemed to be three ounces of the potion in a jug. He had kicked the laboratory's door opened and stepped outside of the door.

Deidara smiled proudly down at his creation, but suddenly felt an awful stench begin to burn the inside of his nose.

"The hell..." Deidara coughed as he used his free hand to cover his nose, "It smells like an infant's three day old unchanged diaper, hm!"

Deidara had taken a few steps foreword, but suddenly felt something abnormal about his body. He thought it might have been the small fact that he had locked himself in Sasori's creepy workshop for at least a half an hour without any sunlight. The delinquent shook his head 'No that's definitely not it.'

Deidara then decided to look in the general area where he felt strange. The young Akatsuki member's curious blue eyes peered down at his groin and blushed.

"W-what the-."

III

A/N: Poor poor Dei chan. If only he knew what an Aphrodisiac. Why does Sasori have Kakuzu's hair? Thank you to everyone who waited patiently for this chapter. I'm honestly so sorry that it took forever for me to upload this. I wrote this chappy a while ago but I just haven't had the time to post it on fanfiction!Love all of you, and I love the guys are awesome! 3 I heart all of y'all.


	8. The Side Affects

A/N: As you all know Deidara has taken an aphrodisiac so there are some parts not meant for little ears. (Even though I've read this chapter to my ten year old brother) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Suggestive Yaoi and swearing (Hidan of course)

Enjoy!

Akatsuki Arachnophobia 08

Chapter Eight: The Side Affects

III

Deidara stared awkwardly down at Deidara Junior as he fished through his pockets with his free hand attempting to find the vile. Finally, he felt the glass bottle in his hands and pulled it out of his pocket. He brought the bottle to eye level and began to read the warning label, something he forgot to do before dumping the serum into the cauldron, "Warning, although this toxic eliminate pests, there are still some side affects that may cause Human…"

Deidara paled as he read the last word to himself, "arousal…un."

The blonde stood there speechless. Unfortunately, his fingers had lost his grip on the cauldron and vile. Before he could react, the caldron had shattered into a million pieces. The poison had begun to stain the white carpet below his feet.

Still feeling slightly light headed from his newly found knowledge, the blonde hadn't realised that he had just ruined the brand new carpet his leader had just installed.

"Crap." Deidara hissed as he tried to avoid cutting his bare feet on the shattered glass. Without thinking, Deidara had fled from the scene of the crime.

Little did our blonde Akatsuki member know, that a few of his 'friends' from earlier were scurrying towards the purple toxic.

III

As predicted both Itachi and Hidan were getting the living day lights knocked out of them by Pein. Luckily, their beating was cut short when the Akatsuki leader's ringed eyes noticed a frantic blonde haired boy dashing behind any random object that he might have thought provided him coverage. Unfortunately, nothing escaped the leader's rin'nigan.

Pein let go of Itachi's collar and stepped over Hidan's dismembered body. The Uchiha took his leader's distraction as an opportunity to make his escape. But before he could do that…

"I can't move…" Hidan's head had informed.

Itachi's bloodshot eyes stared down at Hidan's pleading ones, "Carry me?"

"Please." Itachi said simply.

Hidan's face turned red, "Please."

"And…"

"And what else you prick?"

"Say you're a dunce."

"I'm a dunce, now help me!"

"No." Itachi said simply before leaving the crippled Hidan to himself.

"No…What do you mean 'no'? You mother f*ckin a**monkey!" And suddenly Hidan began swear savagely and scream death threats after the impassive Uchiha, "Yeah that's right. You better walk away you little sh*t!"

Itachi smiled to himself.

Revenge was sweet!

Unfortunately, Deidara did not have the same luck as his coworkers and was suddenly caught in the eyes of the _art hating and protection suit/flame thrower stealing _jerkass.

"Deidara where have you been?" Pein demanded as he peered down at his flustered subordinate. Pein already knew that it was nearly impossible for the explosion loving artist to stay out of trouble, and he had already seemed to sense that Deidara might have created something that may eventually lead to certain doom.

The blonde terrorist did not reply, instead he ducted down under the vase.

Deidara quietly prayed to Hidan's God for a distraction that may end up occupying the orange haired man just long enough for him to make his escape. He'd already been scolded more then once today, and slowly Deidara was beginning to feel as if her were some sort of five year old.

Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned.

The auburn haired man continued to drill the blonde for answers on his past whereabouts. He even came as close as to tackling the blonde to the floor and strangling them about of him.

Luckily for Deidara, Pein had immediately back away ten inched from the blonde when he got a whiff the unusual aroma Deidara had earlier spilt on his pants.

"What the hell is that repugnant smell?" Pein glared at him in disgusted as he covered his nose and mouth with both hands. "I thought I told you to shower? Did you suddenly decide to jump in a sewer?"

"I showered, hmmm!" Deidara claimed, sounding quite insulted by Pein's accusation.

"Then explain why you have the same odour of a decaying corpse!" Pein said in an unconvinced tone as he took another three steps back, hoping to distance himself from Deidara.

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise me you won't be…" Deidara looked up into Pein's ringed eyes. An overwhelming feeling of ecstasy began to course though his veins. Deidara's cheeks began to burn a darker shade of red as he bashfully looked down at his toes, "Damn, the side affects are starting to work…"

"What side affects?" Pein demanded.

Strange enough, the smell around Deidara had vanished. He removed his hands from his face and instead impatiently crossed them over his chest.

"Hey, have you seen Konan by any chance? I really think that she and I should go back to my room and-."

Pein had grabbed Deidara by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up to eye level, "Do not change the subject!"

"Impatient are we, hmm?" The blonde 'tsk'ed him as he attempted to pry his leader's hands off the front of shirt.

It didn't work.

"Deidara…"

"Okay, fine hmm. I'll tell you, but only on one condition."

"What do you want?" Pein said slowly. He then noticed the large and rather perverted grin spread across the blonde's lips, "If it's Konan…I don't think she would be interested in you."

He spoke in a rather informative tone, "Why would you be interested in her anyways? The two of you are like cats and dogs."

"It's not Konan."

"Then what do you-?"

"Have you ever looked in the mirror?"

"What are you trying to say?" Pein hissed feeling slightly insulted by Deidara's comment.

"You are just so…incredibly…_sexy_, hmm!"

_Well that wasn't at all what the leader expected the blonde to say._

Pein had let go of the blonde's collar and slowly back away _again_. Deidara looked up at him completely shocked and disappointed with himself. His cheeks had burned cherry red. '_Since when did I ever find him attractive? Ew. I can't believe I would say that. What's wrong with me-Wait a second…Ah hah! Now I get it. That liquid did this to me. It's the reason why I feel so…so…'_

Deidara's eyes wandered back down to his groin. Deidara Jr. still had much to say to him.

"I was in Sasori's workshop trying to find something to poison the spiders."

"I thought I already said this morning that toxins are restrict-."

"IT'S RUDE TO INTERUPT!" Pein just shook his head. Deidara was the one to talk. He had already interrupted him more then twice that day. "Now, while I was searching through the cupboards I found a bottle that was labelled 'Arachnid Aphrodisiac'."

"An Aphrodisiac…" Pein said blankly.

"Yes, my wild red headed stallion…An aphrodisiac…What ever that is, hmmmm. I forgot to read the warning label on the back." Deidara said gloomily.

Pein had grabbed the younger man's shoulders and began to violently shake him back and forth, "Why didn't read the warning label! Haven't you parents ever told you to stay away from unknown substances! An aphrodisiac heightens you libido you moron!"

"I-I didn't see the warning label until after I poured the vile! It's not my fault." Deidara pleaded.

"On the contrary it is your fault!" Pein let him go, but Deidara knew fully well that his leader was far from pleased.

"So the tonic _is _responsible for my sexual feelings for you. That's good to know. But I still wanna bang you, un." Deidara had reached out and cupped his leader's cheek with the palm of his hand. Pein immediately slapped it away when he felt something wet slide across his face.

"Disgusting." He wiped Deidara's hand/mouth drool off his face with his sleeve. Deidara was not offended.

"Playing hard to get, huh? That's alright…I'll wait. Unlike you, I've extreamlyyy patient, hmmm." Deidara purred as he closed up the space in between him and his leader. He then wrapped his strong arms around his leader's neck, and snuggled his head on Pein's shoulder.

"Get off or I'll kill you." Pein said irritated by his sex craved subordinate. Pein was never good with feelings period! So, you can probably imagine how Pein would deal with Deidara's currently undying love/lust for him.

"Can you do it slowly?"

"Stop it…"

"Stop what?" Deidara purred.

"That!" Pein pointed an accusing finger at the blonde.

"Only if you fix it! You're obligated to! You're the one who had to stick your nose into my business un." Pein felt Deidara's moist breath on his neck. He wanted to end his miserable life right there, but decided that the blonde had some sort of value to his organisation, and killing him would be a great loss.

"If your partner was still alive, he would be able to find an antidote for your _curse_…but unfortunately for you he's not here."

"Tell me something I don't know, hm." Deidara's lifted his head off Pein's shoulder.

"Where's the bottle now, maybe I can check to see if there is any possible way of counteracting your side affects." Deidara un wrapped his arms from his leader's neck. A large smile had appeared on his face.

"It's down stairs, with the poison. I know the cauldron-."

"Cauldron?"

"Don't judge me, hmm. I was trying to do you all a favour. Anyways, I'm sure the vile didn't break when I dropped it. Let's go!" Deidara took Pein's hand in his and pulled him to the incident. Pein didn't move.

"You. Dropped. It!" Pein said in between clenched teeth. Deidara nodded his head, obviously not hearing the treating tone in his leader's voice.

"Hey, hold on a minute. Would you rather beat me up and continue to live in this spider nest, or come with me to reverse the side affects of the tonic, and attempt to exterminate the rest of the insects, hmm?" Pein did not deactivate his 'I'm going to kill you' glare, but he did fallow Deidara to the scene of the crime.

III

Madara snorted to himself as he shot one last photo of his blonde haired 'partner' and his 'lover' holding hands, and walking towards the eastern corridor of the base. He was defiantly going to use the images as some sort of black mail, just like the time when he recorded Kisame and Itachi singing Journey's 'Don't stop believing' on New Years Eve.

The orange masked man had turned on his heel and smiled up at Zetsu. The plant like man had held a long wooden flute between his fingers.

"Alright, I've had my fun…" Madara said to his most loyal subordinate, "It's time for us to send the arachnids back from which they came from…"

Zetsu nodded as he slowly brought the flute to the tips of his lips.

III

A/N: Poor Deidara. At first I felt pity for the spiders, but now…I feel bad for him.

One chappy left! Teehee,

Thanks for reading & I Love you all.

Much thanks for the reviews, they really mean a lot for me a lot!

BTW; Deidara's most likely going to continue to be very sexual to the rest of the members in the next chapter. Looks like Pein and Konan aren't the only ones.


	9. The Solution and the Conclusion

Akatsuki's Arachnophobia 09

Chapter Nine: The Solution and the Conclusion

III

Deidara was finally able to convince the auburn haired man to fallow after him. Pein was not happy about finding out that his brand new carpets were stained with a spider aphrodisiac, but hey, if there was a chance at freeing the base of spiders, then he would be glad to have a tiny stain on his carpet.

The two were just one turn to the left to find the spill, but their path was blocked by two larger men. Kisame and Kakuzu had their backs completely turned from the two. Both seemed to be completely focused on what laid in front of them.

"Well that's just great." The two had heard Kisame speak in front of them. It seemed as though, they two, had just arrived to the scene of the crime. Kakuzu's voice was shortly fallowed after his.

"Who ever came up with this idea-."

"Kisame…Kakuzu." Pein's impatient voice has erupted from behind them. Kisame and Kakuzu had jumped in surprise and exchanged uncertain looks, "Move aside you two."

"Leader sama I don't think you should look." Kakuzu warned.

"Don't be ridiculous." Pein said with a confident tone. And with that Pein had pushed past them.

Deidara stared at the back of his Leader. Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew that if he stayed any closer to Pein, he would surely feel a considerable amount of _Pain_.

But, Deidara being the curious little youth he was, moved forward, and set his eyes on the exact same spot where he spilt the toxin.

"W-why are…" Deidara trailed as he stared, mesmerised at the amount of spiders that were gathered on top of each other. There were rows upon rows of them, all feeding from where he guessed the aphrodisiac was spilt. But what shocked the blonde the most was not the number of the spiders, but the _size _of the spiders. The aphrodisiac was helping them grow! This was not good, "…they're getting bigger? The spiders closer to the stain are getting…bigger, un!"

Pein had whipped his head towards the blonde. Deidara had identified the look on his face with the same one he had before he blew something up, "You tell me Deidara. Why…are…the…spiders getting bigger?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked you, un." And with that Deidara had yet again felt his leader's hands grabbing the collar to his shirt.

"I'm going to kill you." Pein had spoken behind clenched teeth.

"Easy, easy now. You know that what ever you do to me is useless since I'm also intoxicated on the aphrodisiac. I'll enjoy every minute of-."

"So. Will. I!" Deidara's blue eyes stared fearfully at his Leader's drawn back fist. Thankfully, Kakuzu and Kisame had held the enraged man back.

III

Madara had glanced back at his Venus fly trapped friend and nearly burst out laughing. With that flute against his lips, he almost looked like one of the characters in a fairy tale book he had read not to long ago.

What was it called…'___The Pied Piper____of Hamelin?' _Perhaps…

"What are you planning to do with that flute, Zetsu san?" Madara had said with slight amusement in his tune.

"It's a nice flute…**I just wanted to test it out, I found it the other day from this merchant I ate, he was truly delicious!**"

"Will it help us get rid of the spiders?" Madara then begun to recall what happened in the legend of the pied piper. A man dressed in pied had come to a small town in Hamelin and played the mysterious tune of his flute and lead all the rats of the town and children far away to be seen again. _It was quite a dark fairy tale actually._

"Perhaps, I highly doubt it though." Zetsu smiled and played a few notes on the flute, "I actually have a different solution…Deidara had made an aphrodisiac for the spiders earlier. Although it proves to be useless in destroying the spiders, and also acts as a growth serum for the arachnids, I've found a way to use it to our advantage…"

"Really and how will you do that?"

"**We are going to lead the spiders to a better place to nest and multiply with scent of the aphrodisiac.** We enhanced the one Deidara had made. The new scent of the aphrodisiac is much stronger and more appealing to the spiders. **Once the arachnids pick up on the new scent we created, they will have no choice, but to fallow after us.**"

"Ah I see then, good idea."

"Thank you, Madara sama!" The white Zetsu chimed as he pulled out a vile of the newly created potion. He then un capped the lid and allowed the aroma to fill up the room. Madara had pushed his hands under his mask and covered both his nose and mouth. The smell of the aphrodisiac was ten times worst then the one Deidara had made. The Uchiha had felt bile rise in his throat, and with that he dashed out of the room. Zetsu stared after him confused.

_Personally he though the aphrodisiac smelt pretty damn good!_

III

_**Where we last left Deidara's aphrodisiac stain**_

It seemed as though Kakuzu and Kisame were not strong enough to hold back their enraged leader. Luckily, Deidara had taken off before the two had released Pein.

"Wait leader sama, look at the spiders…they've stopped moving." Kisame pointed out. Kakuzu squatted down to take a better look at the spiders, "Perhaps Deidara's toxin really did work. Maybe they are dea-."

"No they are still alive, they just seem to be dead." And then Kakuzu got a nose full of the brand new aphrodisiac Zetsu had created.

"What in God's name is that smell?" Kisame had growled as he covered his nose and mouth with his hands. Kakuzu and Pein had done the same as the shark nin. Zetsu had appeared in front of them, a glass bottle was found in his hands. Pein had recognised the liquid immediately.

"I thought I made it perfectly clear this morning that all pesticides are forbidden." Pein said icily as he glared at Zetsu.

"No worries Leader Sama, this potion contains no dangerous side affects or fumes that would harm either humans or _insects_. It's perfectly safe. You see, it's just an aphrodisiac."

"Another aphrodisiac-."

"Don't worry Leader sama, Zetsu sans got it all under control…You see, his doesn't make you crazy like Deidara Sempai's did! Zetsu fixed the mistakes in Deidara Sempai's work." Madara had appeared behind Zetsu. He was currently using his Tobi personality. He couldn't allow Kisame or Kakuzu to know about his true identity just yet.

"Oh…good." Pein said as relief had washed over him. He then turned towards the spiders, "So you're here to lead them away from the base with that poison. Very well, proceed."

Madara smirked behind his mask, as he watched the men squirm as the spiders had crawled under their feet as they fallowed Zetsu down the hallway and out the back door.

III

A week later, around the usual time for dinner, the Akatsuki members had found themselves gathered at the dinning table.

Madara had locked himself in the kitchen since none of the other members knew how to cook. The members were currently waiting on him for their meal.

It seemed that the aftermath of the incident wasn't as dreadful as they all thought. Actually, the arachnid problem may have actually helped them.

Kakuzu and Kisame seemed to be spending more time together. After working together in locating Itachi, the two had suddenly formed some sort of male bond between each other. The two rogue nins eventually started going to clubs and bars with each other.

Itachi had now faced his fear of spiders.

Hidan officially hated Itachi. (Not sure how that helped the Akatsuki...Anywho)

Deidara was busy with repairing all the damages he had done to the base. Pein claimed that the youngest member was still under the side affects of the spider aphrodisiac, and that it was easy to convince him to volunteer. Still, the Akatsuki continued to wonder why the blonde was always happy, and how exactly, Pein was able to _convince _him to do so.

Later on, Madara had pinned up the picture he had taken of Pein and Deidara.

Pein was accused of being affected by the aphrodisiac's side affects.

He denied it.

Konan was usually found helping Deidara repair the base, some say they thought of each other as more then fellow co-workers.

Madara finally came out from the kitchen, he was dressed in an apron and wore a chef's hat on his head, "Everyone please be quiet, Tobi needs to say something."

Everyone's eyes turned to him, well everyone except Deidara, he had fallen asleep on the table waiting for his partner.

"What is it Tobi?" Pein said nonchalantly.

"Well Tobi would just like to say-." At that moment Hidan had walked into the room.

He was not happy.

"You fucking fucktards, I'm going to sacrifice ever last one of you to Jashin! I swear on it!" Deidara had lifted his sleepy head from the dinning table, a large smile had come across his face as soon as he spotted Hidan.

"What's got you so worked up, hmm?" Hidan scowled at the blonde.

"None of you decided to tell me it was time to eat!"

"That's all…" Itachi mocked him. Hidan in return did not say anything. Instead, he took a seat beside Deidara and started up a friendly conversation with him.

Once everyone was served their meals, Madara had left the room. No one seemed to notice.

III

The swirly masked man had eventually bumped into Zetsu.

"Ah, just the man I was looking for." Madara had said calmly as he motioned the plant like man to fallow him outside.

"Zetsu san, I'm curious." Madara said as he watched the sun set, "Where exactly did you lead all the spiders."

"Well, if you really want to know…"

III

A man with grey hair tied back in a low pony tail had been racing down the hallway of a dark and damp underground lair. Soon enough he had found a pair of giant doors that lead to his master's bedroom. He pushed open the doors, and found the man he had been searching for. The man with silver hair had knelt down on one knee and stared at the ground as he spoke.

"O-orochimaru S-sama," The man's voice was shaky, "T-there seems to b-be a p-problem."

"What is it Kabuto?" The one called Orochimaru demanded.

"W-we h-have a i-infestation…"

"Of what?"

"Sp-sp-spiders."

"Then get rid of them." Orochimaru laid his head back on his pillow.

"I can't" Kabuto said meekly, "You s-see sir...I h-have arachnophobia."

III

A/N: KABUTOOOOOO :3

Poor him…I feel so evil. Anyways, thank you so much for reading, it was really fun to write. And thank you guys for the great reviews. You all rock my purple fluffy socks! P.S Should I sequel it? I think if I do I might just have to get Konoha involved. & it would so much fun to get Sasuke. He would probably feel the same way about spiders as his older brother. Just thinking about a sequel makes me smile. It would be so epic!


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